Fear, Armor, and True Courage

"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you." - Eric Hoffer

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    FEARS. Admittedly or not, we all have them, and the fears we carry are individually unique to each of us. The year 2020 and COVID-19 have certainly been no exception. Some fear is necessary and keeps us alive and from making unwise decisions. "Fear is a healthy and natural response to a perceived threat," author Evy Poumpouras writes in Becoming Bulletproof (2020). "We are born with two kinds of fears hardwired into our system for survival," she explains. "Two fears that scientists call innate: the fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds." But beyond these two fears, Evy Poumpouras says, "all other fears are learned." Just let that sink in for a minute. 

What fears have you been taught? What fears have you been told? What fears have you learned?

    "I know fear keeps us alive, but I also know that fear can keep us from living," asserts Poumpouras. Fear should never be a permanent state of being. We are not meant to live in fear. Yet we all wrestle with fear from time to time, and it is often these same self-defeating fears that keep us from achieving our dreams. Sometimes it is simply the fear of the unknown. We are afraid of what we do not know and what we have not yet experienced. But when you break it down, do you realize how crazy that sounds? 

    Other times it is the fear of self-doubt and failure; that we can't do something or won't measure up. But notice how these fears are all future tense verbs. Because what we're afraid of hasn't even happened yet, you technically can't even call it a "learned" fear. Every day is a new day, and each experience is different - how do you know how it will be this time? You haven't even tried. Too many people self-eliminate themselves before they even start. We have all locked away and slowly starved many beautiful dreams and ideas of purposeful action and conviction over self-doubt, that I often find myself wondering what might have been if...? 

"Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will." - Suzy Kassem.  

    We each also have an enemy in some form or fashion. The irony is, our enemy exposes and reveals the vulnerabilities in their own armor while trying to exploit yours. Schoolyard bullies belittle others to build themselves up. And sometimes we find ourselves "targeted" because someone could be intimidated by something about us. But rather than be afraid or intimidated by them, I now tend to feel somewhat sorry for them - for being robbed of truly living. Dr. Brené Brown opened her 2019 Netflix special by saying, “The key to whole-hearted living is vulnerability. You measure courage by how vulnerable you are.” 

     The Collins Dictionary defines a callus as "an unwanted area of thick skin... which has been caused by something rubbing against it." The Lexico definition describes "a hard formation of tissue, especially new tissue formed over a wound." The truth is, we never wanted the calluses and scars we've taken in life, but each carries a lesson for future survival and their growth is vital to our healing. But for some, in taking too many or too severe hits and wounds through life, they learn to develop thicker defenses than the rest. Individuals who constantly project a tough outer-shell exterior, while defying and downplaying empathy, vulnerability, and transparency, are very likely shielding and protecting a hidden part - or past - of their personal selves. They've withdrawn and locked themselves up tight where no one can get in. It's their castle keep and fortress of solitude. It's the epidermal armor of their surface identity. 

    Armor has historically and effectively served a specific self-defense purpose for centuries. But in putting it on, the wearer is also admitting there is something within they are trying to protect. Who or what are they afraid of? What are they protecting? Have you ever stopped to think that who or what you're afraid of, might likely also be afraid of you...? Yes, predators and animals in the wild attack because they "smell fear." But they also attack because they too are also afraid. Recognizing and reframing this is half the mental battle to overcoming your fear. 

"The enemy's plan from the beginning was to assault the heart... [because] the enemy fears you and what you might become." - John Eldredge, Waking the Dead (2006).

References 

Poumpouras, E. (2020). Becoming bulletproof: Protect yourself, read people, influence situations, and live fearlessly. Atria Books.

Restrepo, S. (Director). (2019, April 19). Brené Brown: The call to courage [Documentary]. Netflix.

Collins. (n.d.). Callus. In CollinsDictionary.com dictionary. Retrieved December 6, 2020, from https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/callus

Lexico. (n.d.). Callus. In Lexico.com dictionary. Retrieved December 6, 2020, from https://www.lexico.com/definition/callus

Eldredge, J. (2016). Waking the dead: The secret to a heart fully alive. Nelson Books.