Behind the Superhero Mask: The “Spidey Effect"

        There's no question the Coronavirus pandemic has challenged us to change and rethink the way we engage each other in our daily interpersonal communication. But the real question is, “For how long?" Is this the future? I mourn the loss of ritual handshakes, hugs, and epic high-fives when greeting others, and dislike treating everyone like they have the Plague. I miss standing closer to others and conversing in a more intimate world before “SIX FEET APART" became the new normal. These bygone cultural haptics and proxemics were once a way we once communicated trust, interest, empathy, and understanding in the other party. Something we desperately need now more than ever before...

🕷    🕷    The Spidey Effect    🕷    🕷     

                Work, leisure, and daily communication behind a mask is no fun for anyone, and no matter what kind of design you have on yours, you still don't look cool. I just tell myself I'm a super-safe ninja. Yes, COVID-19 has crippled the way

The World According to Spider-Man (2014)

we communicate. But in other ways, it has also strengthened it. I'm the kind of person who's always looking for the silver-lining story to every situation, and I usually find it. Sometimes today, sometimes years later. So what can we learn about communication from our current predicament? I'm no comic book nerd, but I know superheroes are pros at wearing facemasks, and Spider-Man's been doing it since 1962. Both he and fellow Marvel character Deadpool have full spandex masks that cover their entire face, only leaving their eyes for expression. Their emotional communication is conveyed entirely through vocal clarity, hand gestures, and their eyes. Sound familiar? If not, welcome to 2020 and COVID-19. Where've you been? While wearing my mask this week, I was struck by the realization that our present frustrations with communicating (and listening) behind a mask can actually promote self-awareness; if we're mindful enough to pay attention to what we're doing. In honor of our webbed masked hero, I call it the “Spidey Effect." Here's three superhero skills to add to your toolbelt:

🕷    🕷    Great Communicators / Great Responsibility    🕷    🕷     

🕸 First and foremost, are you self-aware of what your face does when you talk? This may sound silly but bear with me. Have you ever talked to yourself in the mirror? Pay close attention to your eyes. It has been said, “The eyes are the windows to the soul." Do your eyes match the message your mouth is trying to send hidden behind your mask? Does the response you're sending with your eyes convey a matching or empathetic emotion congruent to the current conversation? Or do they betray you? Because they will. Sometime in your past, your friends may have dropped you definite hints like, “You mad, bro? What's wrong with your face? Your R.B.F. is showing. What's bothering you? Where are you at right now, do you have to be somewhere? Nevermind, it's obvious you don't care..." Be more conscious of your micro-messages and learn how to *smile* with your eyes. 

🕸 I am a recovering extrovert in rehab learning how to talk less and listen more... Speaking from behind a muffled mask makes us all sound like the “WAH-WAH" muted trombones of adult Peanuts characters. It's difficult at times to hear and make out words, and forces us to listen more closely to what the other is saying. With this new challenge, I've learned to choose the words I want to convey more carefully, clarify them more clearly, and that I don't always need to fill the space with my own hot air. Comedian Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005) put it this way, “I’m a mumbler. If I’m walking with a friend and I say something, he won’t hear me, he’ll say “What?” So I’ll say it again, but once again, he doesn’t hear me, so he says “What?!” But really, it’s just some insignificant sh** that I’m saying, but now I’m yelling “That tree is far away!” Make your words count.

🕸 Third is introspective, and the effort you put into it is exactly what you get out of it. Simple in concept, yet complex in its subsurface depth that few will brave its waters. Talking about the visible masks we wear is the easy part... But even Spider-Man can't live in the secret identity of his mask all the time, because he also has responsibilities to his life as Peter Parker. What masks and “false selves" do we put on, take off, and hide behind that others can't “see?" Masks serve a purpose, and we all use them. But why? Who or what are we protecting or hiding from? What “superpowers" do we gain by wearing it? What part of ourselves, and our relationships do we lose by concealing ourselves behind it? Is the trade-off worth it? How long can we keep it on before we lose sight of our identity and the mask becomes our new reality? What could we risk by exposing our true identity and vulnerabilities? What's healthy and what's harmful? Don't rush this process. Stay safe out there superheroes!